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PROMOTING RESPONSIBILITY & LEARNING
Marvin Marshall's Monthly Newsletter
www.MarvinMarshall.com
Volume 10 Number 1,
January 2010
IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Welcome
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. Promoting Learning
6.
Parenting
7. Discipline without Stress
8.
Testimonials and Research
MONTHLY RESPONSIBILITY AND LEARNING QUOTE:
Children get only one chance at childhood.
------- January is the month when many people make predictions.
However, as Yogi Berra said, "It's tough to make
predictions, especially about the future."
On the other hand, January is also the traditional month for
renewal, growth, and for making resolutions. A New Year's
resolution is an attempt to take control over one's life.
My own resolution for 2010 is to have my self-talk start
with, "I am choosing to. . . ."
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| 2. PROMOTING RESPONSIBILITY |
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A recent issue of the journal "Circulation"
provides hard
evidence that links a positive attitude with better health.
"Optimism and pessimism affect health almost as clearly as
do physical factors," according to Dr. Martin Seligman,
director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University
of Pennsylvania.
Optimists are generally disposed to "positive future
expectations." Dr. Hilary Tindle of the University of
Pittsburgh School of Medicine stated, "They expect good
things to happen and work toward them."
In contrast to optimists, Dr. Seligman stated, "A pessimist
habitually views setbacks as permanent, unchangeable, and
pervasive." Pessimists often feel helpless when things go
wrong and tend to believe that bad luck repeats itself. Such
an attitude can increase stress and contribute to
depression.
He further states that pessimists can be reformed. The key
is learning to recognize thought patterns (self-talk).
If your thoughts are constantly in the "glass is half-empty
camp," it's not too late to change.
Most importantly, optimism is its own reward. After all, who
wouldn't prefer to wake up on the right side of the bed
every morning?
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Think of the businessman who was pacing the floor at night.
He couldn't sleep, and his wife was getting frantic.
"Darling, what's bothering you? Why don't you come to bed?"
He said, "Well, we have this huge loan payment due tomorrow,
and the bank manager is a good friend of ours. I just hate
to face him and say that we're not going to have the money
to pay him."
So his wife picked up the phone and called their friend, the
bank manager, and said, "That loan payment we have coming
due tomorrow, we don't have the money to pay it."
The husband exploded. He said, "What did you do that for?
That's what I was afraid of."
She replied, "Well, dear, now it's his problem, and you can
come to bed."
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| 3. INCREASING EFFECTIVENESS |
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When something goes wrong and you try to explain, it is
interpreted as an excuse and extends the argument. The
reason is that the other person thinks you are not being
accountable. Instead, ask yourself if what the person is
saying is basically true--and if it is--simply say, "You're
right."
When you agree, you move forward--instead of anchoring
yourself in some kind of argument.
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| 4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS |
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So many arguments focus on the past in attempts to
blame by
focusing on what and who should have done what.
Instead, move the discussion to focus on the future and what
can be done.
It's okay to evaluate in order to see what went wrong, but
then move to develop a procedure so that the situation will
not be repeated.
The key is to concentrate on construction--what will be done
and how it will be handled the next time.
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Carrie Sherril shared the following with me.
I tried an idea shared on page 213 in the chapter about
"TEACHING."
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com/
In discussing homework or "home assignments" as referred to
in the book, it was suggested that offering students choices
or different options would make it more interesting and
appealing to them.
So I tried it. I offered one traditional paper and pencil
assignment and one that involved a little more creativity
and hands on. I found the kids' reactions and choices to be
quite interesting. Some chose the traditional assignment
while others were excited about the opportunity to be more
creative and have more "fun" with their homework.
In the end, I feel like I received more effort and
enthusiasm from all because they were doing something that
they chose and wanted to do.
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Two very useful approaches:
1) Ask the young child a question that infers a choice
without stating one--as in, "If you were to eat one of these
vegetables, which one would you choose?"
2) The youngster is angry and accuses you of something.
Simply ask, "What do you mean?" By asking this question, you
will prompt reflection and then will learn the real reason
for the anger.
In addition, this question clears the air and gives a fresh
start to the conversation.
http://parentingwithoutstress.org/
describes the book that
contains many such suggestions.
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| 7. Discipline without
Stress (DWS) |
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When there is a discipline issue, the first course of action
for a DWS teacher is to return to the teaching model:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/teaching_model.html
I first look at my procedures. Have I taught/practiced this
particular procedure enough times for THIS child to be
successful?
Can I offer this child a chance to find his OWN procedure or
should I work with the youngster to develop a procedure
together?
Have I taught about impulse/impulse management? Have I
explained, at this child's level of understanding, what it
means to be a victim of impulses?
A grade four teacher in our school had a student who
blurted out continually--after everyone else in the class
had learned not to do so. She worked with him, teaching him
to use a poker chip to keep his impulses in check. At lunch,
she gave him a poker chip to put on the left hand corner of
his desk. Together they practiced. She pretended to teach
and when he wanted to say something, his procedure was to
first take the poker chip in hand and then raise it so she
could see it. Then she would acknowledge him and ask him to
speak. By practicing together in a fun way (because after
all, it is kind of funny to do this when no one else is
around and the teacher is pretending to teach and the child
is pretending to want to say something!), he learned to curb
his impulse to call out during regular classes.
Steven Covey refers to "the gap between the stimulus and the
response." He suggests that any person is capable of
consciously using this small gap of time to CHOOSE to do
something other than simply react. Covey asserts that the
goal for anyone who wants to be less reactive is to make
this gap bigger over time. If a person practices doing
something CONCRETE in the gap, it's easier to extend that
little space of time.
If a "blurter" gets into the habit of employing a deliberate
and concrete physical procedure (such as having to pick
something up before he speaks,) he has automatically created
a bigger gap. This larger gap affords him more time to
consciously choose a desirable response. Over time, with
enough practice, a positive habit can replace a negative
one; self-control can replace impulsiveness.
Kerry in British Columbia, Canada
More of Kerry's posts are available at
http://disciplineanswers.com/
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See Impulse control at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/resources/posters.html
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We have been using your Raise Responsibility System for over
5 years now and are incredibly happy with the way it has
guided our young people.
Matthew Jorgensen
Coomera Anglican College
Oxenford, Queensland
Australia
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THE PARENTING BOOK:
http://parentingwithoutstress.org
THE DISCIPLINE AND LEARNING BOOK
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com
POSTERS, CARDS, AND STAFF DEVELOPMENT PACKAGE:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/products.htm
FREE BOOKS AND STAFF DEVELOPMENT PACKAGE FOR USA SCHOOLS:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.org
RESOURCES: See the menu bar at
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
POWERPOINT:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/pdf/DWS_ppt_secure.pdf
VISUALS:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/visuals.html
SUPPORT LINKS AND DESCRIPTIONS
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/support.html
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/media_room.htm
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| About Dr. Marvin Marshall |
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The proactive and noncoercive (but not permissive)
discipline, learning, and parenting approach stemmed from
his acquiring knowledge about young people as a parent; a
recreation and camp counselor; a classroom teacher at the
elementary, middle, and high school levels; a middle school
counselor and assistant principal; a high school counselor,
guidance department chair, assistant principal of both
supervision and control and curriculum and instruction; and
as an elementary and high school principal.
He has presented in 44 of the United States and in 15
countries on five continents and can be contacted for
presenting a keynote or workshop at
Marv@MarvinMarshall.com.
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