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IMPULSE MANAGEMENT
Punishment is the least effective
approach for long-term behavior
change. It promotes resentment
and adversarial relationships.
Rather than IMPOSING negative
approaches, we should help youth
to help themselves.
A very effective approach is to
TEACH A
PROCEDURE.
The conversation sounds something
like the following:
Every time you stick your foot
out to trip your friend as he
passes your desk, you become
a victim of your impulse.
Do you really want to go through
life being a victim?
If you want to be a victor,
rather than a victim, then
let's establish a procedure
so that when you get that impulse
again, you can redirect it.
For example, picture your foot glued to the floor. That
image
will prompt you to
reflect
the next time your friend passes
your desk. It will help you make a
choice to be in control,
rather than becoming a victim of
your impulse.
Keep in mind that the person who asks
the question controls the situation.
1. Indicate that the behavior is on a level that is
unacceptable.
2. Ask, "What do you
suggest we do about it?"
3. Be ready to ask,
"What else?" "What else?" "What else?"
until the PROCEDURE or the CONSEQUENCE
THAT THE YOUTH SELECTS is acceptable to you
AND will help control future
inappropriate impulses.
This approach of ELICITING is POSITIVE
(rather than negative), offers CHOICES,
and prompts REFLECTION.
(These are the three practices described in
Part
II
of the Discipline
Without Stress Teaching Model.)
Is your goal to help the person WANT
to act more maturely in the future—or is it to hurt or harm?
Threats and punishments are based on the belief that a person needs
to be harmed—to be hurt—in order to learn. When you IMPOSE A
PUNISHMENT you are acting on this belief. The result may be
immediate obedience, but future motivation will be to avoid
punishment—rather than to do the right thing because it is the right
thing to do.
A few additional problems with imposing punishments
are that they
>
are inconsistently applied,
>
lose effectiveness over
time,
>
prompt compliance,
not commitment,
>
have disastrous
long-term effects, and
>
are profoundly
unfair because they ignore differences in people.
In contrast,
if promoting responsible behavior is your goal,
then eliciting a procedure achieves that goal—not only
immediately but also without the stress that typically accompanies
coercion.
A few words about consistency and fairness: Ask students if they would rather be treated as a group or as
individuals. They will readily express a preference to be treated
as individuals. Therefore, using the
PROCEDURE of ELICITING
is more equitable, is more effective, is in each
student's best interest, and is just as
consistent as the procedure of IMPOSING a consequence.
Consider that governments—through executive, legislative, and judiciary
functions—have discretionary powers. Shouldn't teachers and parents
also use discretion?
The
procedure
described on the
impulse management poster
and on the impulse management card is
amazingly effective in redirecting impulsive behaviors. |
