Discipline for Promoting
Responsibility and Learning

COMMONLY USED COUNTERPRODUCTIVE APPROACHES

1. ALIENATING
   Even the slowest salesperson knows not to alienate, but adults too often talk to youth in ways that prompt negative feelings. Negative feelings stop any desire to do what the adult would like young people to do. People do "good" when they feel "good," not when they feel bad.
    
2. CREATING NEGATIVES
   The brain thinks in images, not in words. When people tell others what NOT to do, what follows the "don't" is what the brain images. Always communicate in positive terms of what you DO want. Notice the differences: "Don't run in the hall"  vs. "We walk in our hallways" and "Don't jump on the sofa" vs. "A sofa is made for sitting."
    
3. RELYING ON RULES
   Rules are meant to control—not inspire. Rules are necessary in games; however, when used between people, rules create adversarial relationships. A more effective approach is to teach procedures. A mindset of rules leads to a coercive enforcement approach. A mindset of procedures promotes a coaching approach. See Rules.
    
4. AIMING AT OBEDIENCE
   Obedience does not create desire. A more effective approach is to promote responsibility; obedience then follows as a natural by-product.
    
5. BEING REACTIVE
   Adults become stressed by reacting to inappropriate behavior. It is far more effective and less stressful to employ a proactive approach—such as the Raise Responsibility System—to have young people want to behave responsibly.
    
6. CONFUSING CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT WITH DISCIPLINE
   Management is the adult's responsibility and has to do with teaching, practicing, and reinforcing procedures. Discipline has to do with self-control and behavior and is the young person's responsibility. Having clarity between the two is necessary for both preventing and solving problems. See Management.
    
7. ASSUMING
   Adults too often assume young people know how to do what is expected of them without first teaching how to accomplish the task. A more effective approach is (a) teach the "how," (b)  practice, and (c) reinforce neural connections by practicing again. Visualize  procedures. In this way, when young people are on their own they will already have a procedure to follow. Example: Visualize on a clock the time you will do your homework, where you will do it, and the materials you will need.
    
8. EMPLOYING COERCION
   Coercion is the least effective approach to change long-term behavior. Although adults can control young people temporarily, no one can actually change another person. People change themselves. NOTE: Noncoercion is not to be confused with permissiveness or not using authority.
    
9. ANNOUNCING CONSEQUENCES
   Referring to any discipline approach—and announcing consequences for irresponsible behavior BEFORE they occur—infers that young people will misbehave. This is a NEGATIVE APPROACH. Not knowing is far more effective in preventing irresponsible behavior. Whispering in the ear of a misbehaving young person, "Don't worry what will happen; we'll talk about it later," immediately redirects attention, stops the misbehavior, and takes no time away from the activity.
    
10. NOT BEING CONSISTENT OR FAIR BY IMPOSING, RATHER THAN BY ELICITING
    Consistency is important but very hard to achieve. In addition, imposing the same consequence on all young people is the least fair approach. For example, if one sibling or student "A" is continually bullying another, is imposing the same consequence on each fair? Also, when a consequence is imposed—be it called logical or natural—young people are deprived of ownership in the decision. A more effective and fairer approach is to elicit a consequence or a procedure that will help redirect impulses. This is easily accomplished by asking youth if they would rather be treated as individuals or as a group. They will have a preference to be treated as individuals and have ownership in the decision that will help them. Using the procedure of ELICITING satisfies the consistency requirement, is in each person's best interest, and is fairer than imposing the same consequence on all parties.
     
11. RELYING ON EXTERNAL APPROACHES
    We want to assist young people to be self-disciplined and responsible. Both traits require internal motivation, but rewarding behavior and imposing punishments are external approaches. They also place the responsibility on someone else to instigate a change and, thereby, fail the critical test: How effective are they when no one is around? See External Approaches. In addition, by rewarding kids with something they value (candy, stickers, prizes), we simply reinforce their childish values—when what we really hope to do is to teach them about values that will last a lifetime.
     
12. RELYING PRIMARILY ON PROGRAMS
    In education, every few years a new program is introduced that becomes the silver bullet for "fixing" schools. For example, Open Classrooms were the cure-all; how often do you see them now? The reason you don't is that Open Classrooms became a problem. Large group lectures, small group discussions, and independent study were the "fix" for high schools. Where are they being used now? Teaching by Objectives was the rage. What happened to this "savior of education"? Assertive Discipline was mandated in many schools; now many school districts outlaw this coercive approach.
    
    A current rage is Positive Behavioral Interventions and Support—(PBIS or PBS) for short. This program is based on the old Skinnerian approach of catching and rewarding for doing what the adult desires. PBIS is an outgrowth of working with students who have special needs and where something tangible is used for reinforcement. Since the approach helps special education students, some districts and states have mandated that this system be imposed on ALL young people. This type of training is successful with pigeons, rats, and some animals. The presumption was made, therefore, that it would be successful with young people, also. Aside from this misconception, it is impossible to catch and reward every desirable act. When a youngster has done what was expected and anticipates receiving the reward—but doesn't—the youngster is "punished by rewards."
    
    Here is an e-mail posted at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Disciplinewithoutstress/
    
    My school does Positive Intervention Behavioral and Supports (PBIS), which essentially gives rewards to kids for everything they do correctly, e.g., standing in line correctly, sitting in their chair correctly, breathing correctly, etc.
    
    I teach music, so I only see the kids 55 minutes a week. I try really hard to get them to understand why I don't give rewards and why I don't record every little expected thing they do.
    
    Some of them just aren't getting it. Everywhere else they go they are offered rewards for everything , and punishments mean nothing to them.
    
    When I mention Discipline Without Stress to other adults, they say that our whole district is going PBIS and that our kids aren't ready for understanding internal vs. external motivation. How do I respond to that when it is coming from my principal?
    
    This morning I had a kid walk out of my classroom. Last year when he did this, he got 10 days suspension at home with video games as a punishment. When he came back, he would get rewards when he stayed in the classroom the whole day.  How am I supposed to compete with that?
    
    As with successful parenting, success in teaching rests with people. This is the reason that Discipline without Stress and Parenting without Stress starts with what people do to increase effectiveness and improve relationships and then introduces the Raise Responsibility System.

Copyright © 2009 Marvin Marshall

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