Every few years a new program aimed at improving behavior and learning while reducing discipline problems is introduced and becomes the silver bullet for “fixing” schools. For example, at one time open classrooms were the magic cure-all. Next, large group lectures, small group discussions, and independent study were the “fix” for high schools. Then “Teaching… Read More »
The Best Discipline for Older Youth
When it comes to discipline approaches for older youth, many parents are unsure what to do. If they’ve relied on rewards, punishments, and telling (the things I don’t recommend), they quickly learn that these discipline approaches are ineffective and don’t promote responsibility. So what’s the best way to discipline a teenager? Realize that by the… Read More »
Established Routines Reduce Discipline Problems
How you structure an activity or arrange the environment can significantly reduce discipline problems with children. In the elementary grades, this pertains to both indoor and outdoor activities. For example, establishing a “getting drinks” routine after vigorous playground activities is an example of an outdoor procedure. Children whose last names are in the first half… Read More »
Parents and Role-Modeling
The parent is the first teacher—and the most influential. In fact, you cannot help but teach because you are always modeling, whether you like it or not. And children are perceptive. They pick up everything you model, not just the good. Consider this example: Every morning a father drove his three-year-old daughter to preschool. One… Read More »
Responsibilities to Live By
Instead of relying on rules, consider using the term “responsibilities.” This is much more than a mere word choice. In contrast to “rules,” “responsibilities” empower and elevate. They are stated in positive terms, whereas rules are often stated in negative terms. When communications are in positive terms, there is a natural tendency for you to… Read More »
Before You Discipline, Check Your Mental Position
When disciplining a child, only a noncoercive approach is effective. And the first step to being noncoercive is mental positioning. When practicing any skill, putting yourself in position always precedes the action. This is as true when disciplining as it is when holding a golf club before the swing, holding a baseball bat before the… Read More »
Rewards and Compensation
People assume that an external manipulator, such as a reward, causes young people to change. As a result, many parents offer children money for doing something they ask. They equate it to earning a salary at work. But remember, salaries in the job marketplace are contractual agreements of compensation for service. They are not bribes… Read More »
How to Discipline with Authority without Being Punitive
The keys to the success of using authority without being punitive are in using positive communications, empowerment of choice, and reflection. These practices instill the mindset that the objective is to raise responsibility, rather than to punish. Punishment fosters evasion of responsibility and also has the disadvantage of increasing the distance between parents and children.… Read More »
One Phrase to Teach Patience to Children
As any parent knows, youngsters are impetuous. They want to know an answer immediately. At any given moment, one child wants one thing and another child wants something else. It’s a constant pull for your attention, and few children have the patience to wait for an answer. To get what they want, children often try… Read More »
Reflective Questions that Improve Decision Making in Older Children
Four questions are particularly useful as a reflective activity to improve decision-making skills in older children. Although you can pose the questions orally, the responses can be in conversation or in writing. If the responses are to be written or typed on a computer, it should be the youngster’s decision whether or not to share… Read More »
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